God

It’s hard for me to write or talk openly about very private matters, and beliefs are very, very private for me. I feel afraid. My thoughts, when I go back over them, seem sometimes rather silly. Not very educated nor intellectual. I’m trying to get over that. When something strikes me a certain way, I want to remember it. I’m getting braver about saying I believe… even though I know many find will find it silly or ridiculous. It takes a lot of courage for me to say these things out loud – understanding that the internet is as out loud as I get.
There’s this movie that we’ve watched on several occasions. Each time I have nothing less than a spiritual awakening. The movie is The Straight Story. Richard Farmsworth (Matthew from Anne of Green Gables) plays the part of Alvin Straight who is making a trip ‘his way’ to see his estranged brother. It’s one of those heartwarming movies that makes you cry, smile and laugh all at the same time, and leaves you feeling uplifted for days afterward. But it’s much more than that for me.
Alvin is no-one important, at least by our culture’s measuring stick. He not well-educated, a common laborer, maybe not even the nicest man around. He admits he used to drink and he was mean when he drank. But his story, for me, is the epitome of human spirit.
We watched the movie this last weekend, and this time it finally dawned on me why this movie always leaves me feeling I’ve had a spiritual epiphany. It’s a movie about God. Alvin is on a pilgrimage – a pilgrimage to honor God, to honor the human spirit. That’s it. The human spirit, that something that can never adequately be described with words: the passion, emotion, conviction, courage, lust, desire, love, hatred, determination, that spirit. That is God. Human spirit is God. God is human spirit.
Have I just raised man to the level of godhood? Or have I lowered God to the level of manhood? Or is there any difference?

If I Could Do It Over...

A couple weeks ago (post football season) my dh was sitting at the kitchen table with his coffee looking very pensive. I asked him what his thoughts were. He said that if he had it to do over he would choose to not get involved with football. (He's a self-proclaimed fanatic.) I smiled, nodded and said I understood. He gave me a questioning look, and I said if I had it to do over I would not get involved with religion. He smiled and gave me an understanding nod.

We understand each other so well.

Powerful Words

From "The Voices"

The rich and the fortunate do well to keep silent,
for no one cares to know who and what they are.
But those in need must reveal themselves,
must say: I am blind,
or: I'm on the verge of going blind,
or: nothing goes well with me on earth,
or: I have a sickly child,
or: I have little to hold me together ...

And chances are this is not nearly enough.

And because people try to ignore them as they
pass by them: these unfortunate ones have to sing!

And at times one hears some excellent singing!

Of course, people differ in their tastes: some would
prefer to listen to choirs of boy-castrati.

But God Himself comes often and stays long,
when the castrati's singing disturbs Him.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

Traditions

traditions keep me grounded. They're my constant. We have many traditions, ones that my husband and I have forged together. They're directional signs, keeping me on the right path. Security. Some rather silly, some more serious, and some very secret.

Always on Groundhog Day, we watch Groundhog Day. Every year. In our room with the girls on the floor. They expect it. I expect it. Husband expects it. One of life's anchors.