A year ago there was a poll posted on a message board I visit. It led you to beliefnet.com where you can complete a survey, and it will match you with the right faith according to your beliefs. I remember struggling with the questions – my finger tapping the mouse nervously, moving the pointer between the ‘right’ answer and my answer. In the end I chickened out and clicked the ‘right’ answer. When I completed it, I clicked submit, and what do you think? I passed the test. Yes, it was a test for me: to see if I could be faithful in my answers even when my mind was in total doubt. It matched me to Roman Catholicism 100%. The next was Eastern Orthodox.
This week this same survey popped up in a thread I was involved in. I clicked over there and stared at the questions. I was nervous. I think my clicking finger was shaking. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and clicked. This time, not the ‘right’ answer, but my answer, from my heart. Moved on to the next question and did the same. It wasn’t easy. I felt cold all over. Is this how a traitor feels? But I did it and clicked submit. My eyes were squeezed shut because I was still afraid to see the verdict. Would I pass or would I fail. Or would I be able to recognize failure as my own personal victory? I opened my eyes slowly, and there it was before me. My feelings were all over the place. There was no going back. I must move forward. So I will publicize it. Tell the truth to the whole internet world, which is relatively safe, since my entire internet world here consists of a handful of people. Braver than I was a year ago.
100% - Neo-Pagan
98% - Liberal Quaker
And at the very bottom…
Eastern Orthodox and
Roman Catholic
I think they both had around 2%.
So, what do I do with this? Neo-Pagan? Hmmm. I know some very nice Pagan people on line. This helps. My favorite sister-in-law is a liberal Quaker, and I don’t think there is a nicer, more compassionate, respectful person walking the earth right now. Okay. Pretty good company so far.
This time I was honest, or as honest as you can be with multiple choice answers that don’t quite pinpoint you. Still, it wasn’t the answer I wanted. You see, I want to answer the questions honestly, from my soul, but I want the answer on the bottom to be on the top. But it doesn’t work that way. If I’m honest, I don’t get the result I want. To get the result I want, I have to ignore my heart, my mind, my reason. Is that what belief and faith amount to? So I felt sad.
Then I felt happy. I had passed a big hurdle. I had passed a personal test. It took courage and resolve and faith. Faith in myself.
I’m moving forward.
2 comments:
If Jesus had taken the test, he would have had to join you. This is a good sign, you are in good company. The Holy Spirit is always calling us to be faithful to the Divine, no matter what label you put on it. The more you accept this about yourself, the freer you will be. Change is in the wind, even when it comes to our understanding of God. And it's about time!
Some of the best company I can think of. Invent your own religion and name it whatever you want, it's just a name, anyways, for something that can't really be named.
Post a Comment