Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Something that keeps jumping out at me recently in my readings is along the lines of "your soul is your own". I just realized last night after I read something similar to this yet again, that I have never acknowledged or believed this.

Is my soul my own?
Or does it belong to God?
Am I my own, or do I belong to God?
God gave us free will to do as we choose.
My body is on loan?
My soul is on loan?
God's property but in His goodness He 'loaned' it to me?

I also realized I have no connection with my soul. It feels like something outside of my body that I need to care for properly so I can return it to its original owner. Get it baptized, keep it full of grace which is dependent upon my actions, keep it shiny and new, and return it to God in good condition. I've never, never considered it was MINE. Not my soul, my life, no, not mine. But I've always known my sin is most certainly mine and mine alone. But what my sin affects, my soul, is not mine.

I don't know my soul. I'm trying to get to know my soul. I'm trying to learn to recognize the voice of my soul. But separating the voice of my soul from all the voices I've heard my entire life is so hard. The voice of my soul is so tiny, so quiet, so beat down. For so long it's been drowned out by all the loud voices around me. But I feel it's tired of being beat down and quieted, of being told it is wrong, and fallen, and not trustworthy. I think what I feel is 'my' soul's anger. And little by little it's voice is getting louder and stronger.

I want to know my own FEMALE soul! I want to be intimate with MY OWN FEMALE SOUL! And I want to be able to trust, without fear, my soul's voice.

But I think first I need to answer this:

Is my soul my own?

Yes, I'm confused. But being confused all on one's own, to own that confusion, is still preferable to having others tell you your truth.

1 comment:

Kathryn Knoll said...

We have been presented with a perception of truth that we are somehow separate from God, The Holy One, and therefore there is this confusion about mine and yours and God's. When you think of the cells in your body do you think of them as separate entities, somehow from the whole? Would each be acting as a single, individual agent or a part of the whole. I am sure you have heard the phrase:" The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I, you, we, have never been nor could we ever be separate from the One that we are. It is our consciousness that is evolving in it's understanding, here. We are awakening, as Jesus did, to the More of who he is and will always be becoming. Our Religion is colored by its world view which is very patriarchal and androcentric in it's understanding of reality. Trees, and creatures, the soil and mountains never sit around discussing if they belong to the Creator, or if their soul ( whatever that is) is on loan. It never occurs to them that they are not of the very Matrix that is them. "We (all) live and move and have our being" in God. What would happen if today you just walked out into your world knowing that you were here to bless creation, to heal and repair, to create and dance? It is your birthright as the Daughter of God to be like and as the One who is your source. If we all acted as if we knew this to be true, we would still have free will choice, but, the choice would be clear how we would be The Holy Presence as me or as you.The more the Divine Reality seeps deeper into your consciousness, you will throw away the bondage and burdens the illusions have become and live at One with the One, celebrating as you go! It is a far better use of our energy to create rather than piss and moan about the fact that we have been in the dark about all of this. There will be those who will question or condem you for your new found freedom, but, hey, that's their problem. Free will, remember?